Be An Ally Not a Bystander

Why I wrote the book

I decided to write my book because of some of the instances I went through as a school leader. The discrimination, the gaslighting, not being able to recognise it fully at the time, I wanted to share my experiences in the hope that it might save others from going through the same. When I was approached to write a book, I decided to focus on allyship, teaching people how to be a friend in the moment and to show up for others.

It was important to me because of the story around my pupil, Isaac Uzoegbu.

Isaac was a student of mine who passed away in January 2022, 5 days after he had been hit by a car outside his house.  I felt like no one showed up for Isaac. People who were meant to care put themselves and their reputations first. It was only when I read a story by the reporter Ruth Clegg on the BBC about the deaths of autistic young people, specifically in Medway in Kent, that I realised something deeper was going on.

I contacted—Tania from Special Needs Jungle, who had shared the original post on the SNJ page- Young autistic people still dying despite coroner warnings over care – BBC News.

Tania put me in touch with Ruth. I spoke to Ruth, and I shared my concerns about what happened. She agreed to investigate it further. Releasing that story and speaking my truth turned out to be one of the most nerve-wracking, anxiety-filled periods of my life, but I knew talking about it publicly was the right thing to do.  On 1st December 2023, the story was featured on BBC online,  6:00 news, the BBC News channel, and radio stations; it seemed everywhere.

Head teacher says autistic student died despite family’s plea for support – BBC News.

That evening, I got a phone call. It was from Isaac’s parents. I hadn’t spoken to them since the day his father rang me from the hospital moments after his son died to tell me he hadn’t made it. They were in tears, and his dad said to me, ‘Thank you for remembering my son’. Mr Uzoegbu then started to talk about the parable of the lost sheep, in which the shepherd leaves the 99 to find the one lost sheep.

What does the Parables of the Lost Sheep and Lost Coin mean? | GotQuestions.org

I had never connected this parable to allyship, but now I recognise that it emphasises the importance of caring for each individual and not leaving anyone behind.

That’s why allyship is important and my reason for writing my book. What happened to Isaac reminds me how important it is to speak up for others, even if you’re scared to do so.